Morrison sets target for net zero allies by end of climate summit


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Prime Minister Scott Morrison has set a goal to secede from all Australian allies over the weekend.

Speaking at COP26 in Glasgow today, Morrison said he was confident he had achieved what he set out to do, having already achieved his mid-week goal of ending two very important Australian relations.

He also said that the key to ending diplomatic relations is innovation. He says: “I am constantly looking for new ways to break up relationships that have been around for so long.

“No one has ever considered sending secret messages to the President of one of our closest friends. But it is the kind of technical application I am talking about.

“How do I end our old relationship with Britain, or our relationship with India? We do not know yet. But I am confident that before the end of the week, there will be new ways I can apply.”

He said Australia had already surprised people with what could happen in a short period of time. “Many people have said that putting France and US offside within a week is not possible. But we have already confirmed the mistakes.”

Chris Auld’s head @DamnYouChrisA

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